I’m starting my new job on Monday morning and I’m feeling conflicted. On one hand, this job is what I came to Evansville for, for the most part, and I get to use my degree and speak French. That’s cool. On the other hand, it’s starting to look more and more like a dead end. It’s a 9 to 5 type deal that guarantees to be predictable and to cut the spontaneous bit out of my life.
I’ve started to wonder. Am I the 9 to 5 type? I mean… really? I’ve always loved my jobs I’ve held that were laid back and weren’t heavy on the structure. I’ve started questioning myself. Was I looking for a 9 to 5 because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, and not necessarily what I wanted to do? Because I didn’t know what else to do? Is this really me?
I’m nervous about this new job because I’m not so sure it is. I don’t want to live by what society says I should be doing with my life now. I don’t want to convince myself that there’s anything I have to do, besides making rent. I still don’t know about the rest of my life and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I’ve never been happy doing things because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be doing.
I think the real Jenny is pretty free spirit and the real Jenny is a little nervous that she’s going to be stifled.