Everything Flows Onward

finding my dharma. living my dharma.

evaluation February 7, 2008

Filed under: happiness,spontaneity,uncertainty — Jenny @ 7:11 pm

I’m starting my new job on Monday morning and I’m feeling conflicted. On one hand, this job is what I came to Evansville for, for the most part, and I get to use my degree and speak French. That’s cool. On the other hand, it’s starting to look more and more like a dead end. It’s a 9 to 5 type deal that guarantees to be predictable and to cut the spontaneous bit out of my life.

I’ve started to wonder. Am I the 9 to 5 type? I mean… really? I’ve always loved my jobs I’ve held that were laid back and weren’t heavy on the structure. I’ve started questioning myself. Was I looking for a 9 to 5 because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, and not necessarily what I wanted to do? Because I didn’t know what else to do? Is this really me?

I’m nervous about this new job because I’m not so sure it is. I don’t want to live by what society says I should be doing with my life now. I don’t want to convince myself that there’s anything I have to do, besides making rent. I still don’t know about the rest of my life and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I’ve never been happy doing things because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be doing.

I think the real Jenny is pretty free spirit and the real Jenny is a little nervous that she’s going to be stifled.


One Response to “evaluation”

  1. Erin Says:

    hi sis-

    i know my life has completely dominated our conversations, but i wanted to just allow you to share the spotlight. πŸ™‚ after reading your blog, i realized that what you’re going through, really doesn’t make you odd, and that a lot of our people our age go through this. college is a liberating experience for a lot of us. it’s the first time we’re out on our own, our rules are the rules and no one elses, and we are responsible for all of our own successes and failures. the problem is, that our first “job” threatens to take that all away from us. and i speak for myself (but i’m sure many others as well), that after your first week of the new “career”, you have that moment…where you just got home from work…and you realize…i have to go to sleep in 4 hours to get up for tomorrow’s day…and you think…is this what i signed up for?? do i really want to go through each day and only have 4 hours of my entire day up to me?? and that’s usually followed by…”no wonder people have mid-life crises and….is this really it?!?”. you feel like your life will be one non stop boring rut and routine. all that i can tell you is, yes, for the most of us it will be. but YOU get to dictate what those 4 hours are full of and what you do with whatever time you have. and what i can hope for you is that you find a job that doesn’t make you feel that restricted. every job on the face of this earth can be boiled down to one boring statement. its true that this job might not be the perfect fit, but try to not set up the negative mind frame before you at least give it a chance. it may very well be that you don’t like it, or it may be that you meet a completely new set of amazing people. but i really hope you at least go into it open-minded. and don’t knock the 9-5 idea just yet…nights and weekends are pretty fun to have…and so are the benefits πŸ™‚ you are a spontaneous person, a nomad, a drifter…no one or no thing can take that away from you unless you let it.

    -love sis.

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